Christmas Cantatas Where Someone Dies

tombstoneSometime around September fundamentalists dig out the big plastic trunks of  sheet music and set to work on one of the largest outreach events of the year: The Annual Christmas Cantata.

Unlike the Christmas pageants at other churches, wassailing and gay apparel are shunned in lieu of a much grander tradition — if the evening is to be deemed a success,  someone in the cantata’s plot has to die.

Maybe it will be a father who dies at the beginning of the story.  Perhaps it will be a nice old lady who dies in the hospital after sharing her sage wisdom about the true meaning of Christmas. Better yet is the tale of an errant boy who staggers home on Christmas Eve to learn that his mother died while he was away playing the prodigal. The main thing is that there must be death by act three in order to hammer home The Message of the cantata.

The rest of the world may consider this a season to be jolly but fundamentalists know to keep the tissues handy when going to the annual cantata.

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
A Tear-Jerking Death Scene is Just the Thing.

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3 Responses to Christmas Cantatas Where Someone Dies

  1. antigravitygrapes says:

    I wouldn’t use the words “The Message” in your second to last paragraph.

    It reeks of Eugene Petersen and might lead an unbeliever to assume that you read and Unauthorized (per)Version.

  2. JTR says:

    This is so retarded. As if fundies have a corner on the cantata market.

    FTR, our church does what it has been doing forever: a medley of carols which we sing at local nursing homes while passing out large print tracts. Look it up. t r a c t s

    They are useful tools in something we call E V A N G E L I S M.

  3. Mark says:

    Some of these cantatas are written by…

    RON HAMILTON!

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