Large Families

largefamilyFundamentalists take the command to “be fruitful and multiply” very seriously. After all, the best way to make sure there are always a supply of young fundamentalists is to grow your own. The Amish have successfully used this technique for centuries and fundies are big fans too.

Having a family of seven, twelve, or sixteen kids is a lot of work and very expensive. That’s why fundamentalist fathers take only the best paying jobs like assistant Christian school gym teacher or church handyman. Getting the group discount at parks and museums is just an added bonus.

Of course, having a large family does present some difficulties too. People will stare and ask silly questions like “are these all yours?” (as if someone would willingly drag nine of someone else’s kids through Walmart). Children do accidentally get left at stores and gas stations. And going out to eat can require more planning and expense than the Normandy Invasion.

It’s not all bad, however. there are advantages too. For example, not every teenager gets the privilege of  learning to drive in a fifteen-passenger van. And if all the kids learn a musical instrument, there’s a lot of opportunity for traveling performance ministries.

Why settle for any less than a quiver full?


3 Responses to Large Families

  1. Andrew says:

    Good point about the 15-p van. If I had more than 4 siblings, I would have learned to drive a 15-p van before college. That’s what I call critical life skillz.

  2. ChickenBob says:

    I almost have to disagree. Most Baptist families I know tend to give us a hard time when they see our large family. The most common comment is “Don’t you know what causes that?” The Mormons out here in the west are much more accepting and less likely to stare at us in the grocery store when we traipse through with five kids in a row.

    And fathers of large families would do well to drink more beer. It saves on sitting at home yelling at the kids to shut up so he can watch American Idol in peace. BTW, closed captioning…best invention ever.

  3. Fundygrl says:

    Amen, bruther!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: