Hand Raising

handsFundamentalists are not completely opposed to outward displays of worship but make no mistake that when a fundamentalist raises his hands in a service it is quite a different thing from when a charismatic tounges-speaking NIV-carrying Pentacostal does it.

The first major element of the fundamentalist hand raise is the duration. Hands must be shot up and put down within a five-count at the longest. Hands that linger aloft too long may be attached to a person who listens to CCM music.

The second element is the force. A hand must not drift upwards in an airy manner but rather be thrust up from the shoulder in a type of  forward-facing  ‘karate chop’ motion. Let not your hand give an uncertain gesture. And whatever you do, keep your wrist firm. Limp wrists are the devil’s tools.

The third important part of hand-raising is the accompanying yell. Bellowing “Preach it!” or “Shake that bush!” to go along with this motion removes all doubt that the hand-raiser is not waving or emoting but rather saluting in a stern and serious fashion.

These differences are as vital as they are subtle. Yet the distinctions can make all the difference between being a fundamentalist and being a happy-clappy, mumbo-jumbo, praise and worship compromiser.

Advertisements

3 Responses to Hand Raising

  1. Stephen says:

    Ah yes, the IFB version of hand-raising, otherwise known as the “Voting Amen!”

  2. Matt says:

    Perfect.

  3. Phil Novak says:

    I went to Southland( its in Louisiana) for a

    leadership conference the speaker teaching the

    lessons said we had to shake bad fruit of the tree ”

    you know shake that bush” after which some of the

    guys from another school back in our home state(AR)

    took it and ran wild with it and said it during the

    preaching.last night. Our group thought it was really

    disrespectful. Either 1. you were there 2. shake that

    bush is a common phrase and you picked up on it. you

    just made that up.Anyway thanks for the laugh

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: