Terms to know when reading about Baptist fundamentalists:
(This list is a work in progress and will be expanded as the author finds time. Feel free to submit your own definitions via the comments section.)

– The proper response to the query “And all God’s people said?”

– A clever play on words that combines “Budwiser” and “dumber.” Fundies are full of these little gems.

– One of the worst insults a fundamentalist can muster. In the insult taxonomy it falls about one level below “Democrat” and two levels above “liberal.”

– A fundamentalist’s favorite self-descriptor adjective.

– What you can’t contend with after the footmen tire thee.

ā€“ A person who believes one more point of TULIP than I do.

– A fundamentalist pastor. Especially those who fancy themselves to be modeled after the Old Testament prophets.

Movie House
– A sinful, godless movie theater where movies from Hollyweird (or perhaps Hellywood) are shamelessly displayed.

Rock Music
ā€“ Any music where the beat is not on the first and third note. The only exception to this rule Southern Gospel.

Sacred Desk
ā€“ A pulpit.

– The things that I do that and you don’t do because you’re a compromising liberal Democrat. Includes everything from hair length to radio station presets.

-Welch’s Grape Juice

One Response to Glossary

  1. BeckyJoie says:

    LOL@ the Wine definition. I can’t tell you how many sermons I heard with that definition. I remember thinking, “Then why didn’t it just translate ‘wine’ as ‘grape juice’?” I never did figure out how the wedding guests at Caana were going to get “happier” on grape juice.

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